When I Have Intrusive Thoughts
How Scripture and therapy worked together in my OCD
I’ve had intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember—but I could only label them as such in the past two years. My intrusive thoughts hurled violent, sexual, and irreligious images and phrases before me, spiralling me into torrents of anxiety and panic. How could I call myself a believer yet harbor such vile thoughts in my mind? How could the Spirit indwell someone so woven with evil? Yet no matter how long I prayed, how long I sang, how many Bible verses I read and memorized, or how many Christian living books I read, the thoughts never ceased. I continued curled in the fetal position weeping for my eternally-damned soul that could never be redeemed for such sins.
I clenched passages like Philippians 4:8 and Colossians 4:1–4 with a death grip, as if to let go were to fall into the fiery pits of hell—meanwhile, my tears and sweat made it harder to hold on. I flung those verses at my thoughts and fought against them, but no strength could hold them back. It was as if the harder I pushed against them, the fiercer they pushed back against me.
Because that’s exactly what happens when we fight intrusive thoughts.
Through therapy, I learned that fighting against intrusive thoughts is like trying to stop water from gushing out of your faucet with your hands—it will continue to burst through, perhaps even explosively. “People tend to try desperately and urgently to get rid of the thoughts, which, paradoxically, fuels their intensity,” two doctors wrote for The Anxiety and Depression Association of America. “The harder they try to suppress or distract or substitute thoughts, the stickier the thought becomes.”1
Rather, therapists and psychiatrists recommend simply acknowledging the thought’s existence and allowing it to pass without judgment or shame upon ourselves. “If you don’t pay attention or get involved with them, they dissipate and get washed away in the flow of consciousness.”2 We can do so because these thoughts are not our own; they are misfires from our broken minds. “Our brains sometimes create junk thoughts, and these thoughts are just part of the flotsam and jetsam of our stream of consciousness. Junk thoughts are meaningless.”3 Because of the fall, all of us live entangled with the effects of sin, not just sin inside of us. We experience both physical and mental illnesses. Tom Karel, coauthor of A Christian's Guide to Mental Illness, writes:
We live in bodies that are susceptible to many maladies. Given the wrong circumstances, broken bones and mental illnesses can happen and are both included in the list of afflictions that we may suffer in this life. In the case of a broken leg, we do not debate whether the femur should have been stronger; rather we provide care for the hurting part.4
In this case, caring for our hurting mind when battling intrusive thoughts means passing no judgment on ourselves and allowing the thought to pass—it’s not a reflection of us or even a part of us, but rather a “junk” thought that our brain produced. We don’t need to chide ourselves for not “thinking on these things” listed in Philippians 4:8 or not keeping “our minds set on things above.” Rather, we can acknowledge the thought’s presence and move forward unaffected, which in turn will cause the thoughts to dissolve.
If this is all true, what do we do with all these Bible verses about the mind? Do they no longer apply to us when staring down an intrusive thought?
Not at all. It’s not that the verses are unnecessary but that they are wrongly applied. Shaming ourselves for not setting our minds on things above in the midst of an attack from intrusive thoughts will only give the thoughts an upper hand. Rather, our work is to passively allow the thoughts to come and pass, like watching cars drive by, and then turning our thoughts to what is true, noble, and lovely.
When encountering intrusive thoughts, I often became fixated on the thought and allowed its contents to fester further anxiety. This is where Philippians 4:8, Colossians 4:1–4, and the like offer peace. As the thoughts pass, we can turn our gaze onto something better. However, the only way to do so is if something greater lies at hand to set our gaze on.
Paul wrote Philippians 4:8 not as a sword but as a balm and protective salve. Rather than a weapon to bludgeon our thoughts with (and heap shame on ourselves for when we fail), it’s meant to prepare us for the onslaught that will come. What will you do when those thoughts assail you? What will you use to dress your wounds? What garden will you walk in as you recover? Will these resources be available to you? Set your mind on things above now so you are ready, not to slay and hammer, but to recoup.
Martin Seif and Sally Winston, “Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts,” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, April 26, 2018, https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Tom Karel, “5 Myths about Mental Illness,” Crossway, September 18, 2023, https://www.crossway.org/articles/5-myths-about-mental-illness/.
Lara! This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today! I have struggled with intrusive thoughts my whole life, and just this morning was feeling so overwhelmed by trying to "battle" them, as you put. Your words are a true balm to my heart. Thank you!
Lara, this made me think of Sarah Clarkson’s book This Beautiful Truth. Have you read it? She struggled with what sounds like something very similar. Her writing is gorgeous and it really is applicable to many areas of life where beauty and goodness can help us overcome the darkness.