Yes. All of this. I’m so sorry that you have experienced the deep wounds of “neutrality”. It makes you feel crazy on top of everything else. In my own story I have taken such comfort in the stories of God in the OT. They used to scare me, but realizing that God was holy and had no tolerance for sin, and especially no tolerance for abuse, made such a difference. No matter how people handled things or didn’t, they could not take away the fact that God sees and knows and cares. The inability of churches and Christians to look this scourge in the eye and call abusers to accountability is (I think) one of the biggest reasons that people leave faith altogether. It is a deep, gaping wound that needs to be tended.
I’m so sorry that you have a story like mine ♥️ You really do feel like you’re going crazy, but like you I’ve taken such comfort in the Old Testament. For me, the imprecatory psalms have ministered to me in such strange but encouraging ways—to know that God is okay with our anger in the midst of our abuse is such a balm.
And I think you’re right about people leaving the church—because of all people, Christians should be taking the strongest stance against abuse. I’m grateful for my church and how they have. But outside of my church, it’s been believers who have taken such a neutral position while nonbelievers around me have raged at what has happened.
I experienced this in church too. I haven’t gone back. My child’s father still goes and is actively involved. It made me wonder- how often has the church chosen a brother in Christ over a sister for everything in the essay? Once would be too many.
I know exactly what you mean as I’m in a similar position—it makes you feel as if all that happened was no big deal. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this too ♥️
There’s so much here that’s so good. I mean, all of it’s good, Lara. I’m always blindsided by the way people react to abuse, even when they do believe the abuse happens.
And… I should just text you about it 🤍 Love you and pray for you so often!
Lara, I'm so so sorry for what you've been through and I'm so so thankful you wrote this. Necessary and powerful. Know that you are prayed for and supported, even from afar. And I'm on your side.
I think that the being neutral is just an excuse to remain a coward. The church community is full of abusers and cowards and that won't stop until someone (or many people) holds the abusers to account and shame the cowards to action. It all starts with learning and listening to the vast amount of stories on what an abuser looks like, but people are too afraid of reality to even educate themselves. What if their church is full of fakers? The fairy tale ends and the real work begins. The church community needs an overhaul to bring us back to true virtue. That's a heavy task. But I think it will bring more true believers back to the church.
You've brought such an important topic to the light here.
Neutrality ought to never even be an option in these situations.
I've seen it happen in my own family. I watched as relatives took a neutral position, or even an opposing position, as I spoke the truth about what I had suffered.
But there is the comfort of knowing that God sees. He knows. And He will handle them accordingly in His time.
Thank you so much for putting this into words. I’m currently reading Armies of Enablers on this very topic. It’s legally technical, but this attorney is advocating for laws that penalize enablers. Highly recommend.
Such good words, Lara. Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and what’s on your heart. Neutrality combined with the, “Well, I know they did ____ but at least they didn’t ____” or “I know they ____ but don’t forget they ____” causes so much further damage.
Yes. All of this. I’m so sorry that you have experienced the deep wounds of “neutrality”. It makes you feel crazy on top of everything else. In my own story I have taken such comfort in the stories of God in the OT. They used to scare me, but realizing that God was holy and had no tolerance for sin, and especially no tolerance for abuse, made such a difference. No matter how people handled things or didn’t, they could not take away the fact that God sees and knows and cares. The inability of churches and Christians to look this scourge in the eye and call abusers to accountability is (I think) one of the biggest reasons that people leave faith altogether. It is a deep, gaping wound that needs to be tended.
I’m so sorry that you have a story like mine ♥️ You really do feel like you’re going crazy, but like you I’ve taken such comfort in the Old Testament. For me, the imprecatory psalms have ministered to me in such strange but encouraging ways—to know that God is okay with our anger in the midst of our abuse is such a balm.
And I think you’re right about people leaving the church—because of all people, Christians should be taking the strongest stance against abuse. I’m grateful for my church and how they have. But outside of my church, it’s been believers who have taken such a neutral position while nonbelievers around me have raged at what has happened.
I experienced this in church too. I haven’t gone back. My child’s father still goes and is actively involved. It made me wonder- how often has the church chosen a brother in Christ over a sister for everything in the essay? Once would be too many.
I know exactly what you mean as I’m in a similar position—it makes you feel as if all that happened was no big deal. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this too ♥️
I'm so sorry this happened to you, Lara.
Thank you, friend ♥️
There’s so much here that’s so good. I mean, all of it’s good, Lara. I’m always blindsided by the way people react to abuse, even when they do believe the abuse happens.
And… I should just text you about it 🤍 Love you and pray for you so often!
So, so grateful for you and your encouragement, dear friend ♥️
Lara, I'm so so sorry for what you've been through and I'm so so thankful you wrote this. Necessary and powerful. Know that you are prayed for and supported, even from afar. And I'm on your side.
This means so much, Sonya—thank you ❤️
I think that the being neutral is just an excuse to remain a coward. The church community is full of abusers and cowards and that won't stop until someone (or many people) holds the abusers to account and shame the cowards to action. It all starts with learning and listening to the vast amount of stories on what an abuser looks like, but people are too afraid of reality to even educate themselves. What if their church is full of fakers? The fairy tale ends and the real work begins. The church community needs an overhaul to bring us back to true virtue. That's a heavy task. But I think it will bring more true believers back to the church.
You've brought such an important topic to the light here.
Neutrality ought to never even be an option in these situations.
I've seen it happen in my own family. I watched as relatives took a neutral position, or even an opposing position, as I spoke the truth about what I had suffered.
But there is the comfort of knowing that God sees. He knows. And He will handle them accordingly in His time.
Thank you so much for putting this into words. I’m currently reading Armies of Enablers on this very topic. It’s legally technical, but this attorney is advocating for laws that penalize enablers. Highly recommend.
https://armiesofenablers.com/
Such good words, Lara. Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and what’s on your heart. Neutrality combined with the, “Well, I know they did ____ but at least they didn’t ____” or “I know they ____ but don’t forget they ____” causes so much further damage.
I’m so sorry , Lara. Thank you for your courage to speak up 🙏❤️🩹.